Mandurah Makos miss the Mail

I play football – not very well but I give it a red hot go. I also write. Fortunately, considering my profession, my skills with a pen or a keyboard are far better than my skills with a boot and a ball.

Anyway, because of my writing nous, the club has asked me to put some articles together for the local newspaper. It’s an interesting prospect and a challenge I’m happy to undertake – a challenge because it’s a writing style I’m not practiced in. 

The Mandurah Mail has been good so far; they published this piece. Unfortunately, they didn’t have the space for this one:

Makos March to 2017 Season

 

On Sunday the 26th of March, the Mandurah Makos finished up their preseason preparations with an impressive showing against the Rockingham Rams.

The scratch-match, played across six ‘quarters’, allowed the players the opportunity to shake off some of the cobwebs that had appeared over the off-season. Despite being played in blustery conditions, the players worked their way into the game and showcased why, despite their age, Masters footballers are still an exhibition worth watching.

Integral to the Makos’ success on the day were the midfield contributions of Matt Dunn, Brendon King and Steve Thomson who provided ample supply to 5-goal forward, Michael Griffifths. Tod Holderhead was at his bullocking best while Kieran Eiffler recovered from a head knock to kick an important goal. The Pattinson brothers, Grant and Brett, were constructive at half forward and half back respectively but play of the day came from Ronnie Barton who kicked the impossible goal – a checkside banana from the boundary line. More importantly, the coaches were buoyed by an even performance described by club president, Tony Wilkey, as an “encouraging team effort throughout from all grades in preparation for the season opener”. 

The Makos didn’t have it all their own way; however, as Rockingham were well represented by Pieter Wilson, Shane Parry and Geoff Adams who were the best players in their age group.

If you are interested in playing Masters footy or joining the Mandurah Makos as a social member, you can contact Tony Wilkey on 0421 708 764.

So, I thought I’d give it the Titus O’Reily treatment. Here goes:

Mandurah Makos vs Rockingham Rams

 

This was Mandurah’s second competitive hit out of the preseason. Their first was against the Thunderbirds. The blokes always look forward to competing against the ladies. The women come out firing, hunting the ball with ferocity, while the men just go out there looking for a touch. The sexist banter in the change rooms afterwards is also pretty solid; cracks about hardball gets and so on. The game against Rockingham was against other men though, so the post-match banter was exactly the same. Boys will be boys after all. 

This annual fixture between friendly rivals is always an odd one. The game itself goes for six quarters, which goes to show why footballers aren’t exactly known for their intellect, and three age groups roll through as the teams see fit. That is, the blokes run out on the ground and see just how unfit they’ve become in the off season and are replaced one-by-one with players who have remembered that training has started for the year. 

The wind was really cranking that day which was a blessing for the players who blamed their poor skills on the blustery conditions and not their own preparation. Not that all of the fellas on the field struggled. Dunny showed everyone that his nickname is ironic by not being shit, Thommo played the game like someone who teaches other people how to play footy for a living, and G kicked a bag of goals. 

The Patto brothers did little to help people remember which one’s Grant and which one’s Brett but they did well on the field. Kieran took a big knock to the head and came out of the game making more sense than he normally does while Kingy undid his work with the ball as a player by trying to take a mark while he was wearing the umpire vest, and Toddy proved that a ginger ninja covered in sun cream is a hard beast to tackle.

Highlight of the day was a checkside banana by Neville Bartos if he does say so himself. And he does. Nev is one of my nicknames and probably the most used one behind Dickhead. It was an Eddie Betts like goal and, just like Eddie, I lack confidence with my set shots. Unlike Eddie, my shorts actually fit me and don’t look like a small circus tent. Another thing that separates me from the Crows’ superstar is that my goal was a fluke and probably won’t stop me from being relegated to my usual spot of back pocket. 

Anyway, the Makos won this game even though we don’t keep score. Even if we lost I’d probably say we won, it’s not like it matters. Most importantly, no one got injured. No, the most important thing was that the post match snags were hot and the beer was cold. If that had been the other way around, it would have been the worst possible outcome for all involved. 

Stay classy, Mandurah.

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