5 movie references NOT to use during sexy time

Movies are an integral part of the fabric of society and the lines delivered by the stars often become part of our everyday dialogue.

I have heard many a person say “I’ll be back” in their best (which is probably also their worst) Arnie impression and how many of us have stood arms outstretched claiming to be “king of the world”?

But there are some situations where specific movie references are best avoided. Here’s 5+ examples you (men) don’t want to use in the bedroom:

scarface.jpg

1. Say “hello” to my little friend.

 

Imagine this, you’ve wined and dined and now you’re hoping to get your leg over so you invite your prospective sexual partner in for some “coffee”. The lights are dimmed, the music is on and you drop your pants citing this classic Scarface line…

While it seems witty, it’s doubtful any man wants their partner thinking that their penis is “little”. Plus, the line brings out connotations of a coked-up gangster shooting all over the place… hardly romantic.

 

2. Here’s Johnny!

 

Again, the scene is set – there’s candles and flowers, dinner was home cooked and served with a glass (or three) of wine. You take her in to the bedroom, unzip your fly and quote this line from The Shining as you stick your penis through the gap like a head through a door that’s been hacked to pieces by a homicidal maniac.

Classy!

Sure, you might’ve been making a more harmless reference to the 1995 hit song of the same name, or Johnny Bravo or The Tonight Show but what’ll come to mind for most people is that all work and no play leads to stabbing not sex.

 

3. Free Willy

 

Ok, so this isn’t a quote per se but if you’re inclined to call out the title of this film while removing your underwear you’re an immature man-child with delusions of grandeur. No self-respecting adult calls their penis a willy and if you’re comparing your manhood to a whale you’re going to bitterly disappoint someone.

Plus, all I can think about is the clip from The Simpsons where the whale doesn’t make it over the rocks and ends up killing the child protagonist. More connotations you don’t need.

 

 

4. Grab your stick! Heat ’em up! Make ’em hard!

 

If you’re in a homosexual relationship, this Ghostbusters line might actually work. It probably won’t, but it makes more sense than in any heterosexual dalliance. For the most part, it just sounds like you’re wanking – and possibly doing so too often if you’re getting friction burns. Any mention of “heat” when talking about your “stick” is probably worth a trip to the doctor.

 

 

5. Open the pod bay doors

 

So you’ve read the first few points on this list and recognised that their all in reference to your Mills and Boon style “throbbing member” and you’ve thought to yourself that maybe film quotes only work when you’re talking about a vagina. Wrong! They don’t work there either.

This 2001 line is a prime example. Likewise, upon penetration, don’t think it’s a great idea to get all Ace Ventura and say it fits “like a glove”.

Sure, maybe lines from porn movies might work. The ones with a scripted plot. They still make them, right? But your Hollywood blockbuster isn’t going to give you the goods.

No woman is going to be turned on by being informed she “can’t handle the truth” and no man should call his cock “the truth” anyway.

 

If there’s other film quotes you think shouldn’t be used in sexy time scenarios, let me know in the comments.

 

And, if this blog post proves popular, tune in for the follow-up where I refer to TV shows to tell you it’s not a good idea to walk up to women in nightclubs with your penis out asking “have you met Ted?” and so on…

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